Minutes of the 18^th Meeting of the 161^st Session

5^th April 2008 ~ West of Ireland Schools Debating Competition – Grand Final

Aula Maxima, NUI Galway

AND so it was that the schoolies from far and wide descended on the city of the tribes for the Denny’s West of Ireland Debating Competition’s Grand Final 2008, convened by Nuala Kane, with Paddy Cluskey chairing. Of course, this competition meant the day was spent trying to stop the hormone-filled buggers scoring each other all day, and act like good and proper scholars of the Queen’s College Galway. Before the main debate, we had private members’ time, with Dan Colley proposing the motion ‘That This House Believes Teflon Doesn’t Last Forever’, referring to the recent departure of our Beloved and Great Leader, Án Taoiseach Patrick Bartholomew Ahern.

Dan told us how Bertie was ultimately a bit of a cute hoor who corrupted the highest office in the land with dodgy deals and backhanders from his mates in Manchester. He also told us how Charlie Haughey called Ahern ‘the most skilful, the most cunning, the most devious of them all’. Dan concluded by saying how Ahern brought an ideology of greed and self-importance to the office and the country is better off now that he is gone. Cause it’s not as if Bertie Ahern ever did anything notable while in office, like oh I don’t know, maybe bringing peace to an island that’s been at war with itself for 700 years, or perhaps bringing full employment and economic growth that’s the envy of Europe to the country. Oh no, he never did anything like that.

Opposing the motion was the bastion of Fianna Fáil himself, Steve Nolan HLM. He admitted that Bertie might have been an idiot with his finances, but he was probably just trying to hide money away from his wife. Steve pointed to Ahern’s many achievements in office, such as free third-level education and adequate student grants, and the reform in the Fianna Fáil organisation itself, with more transparency and higher standards in public office being introduced under Ahern. Finally, Steve asked that we let Mahon do its work and vindicate Án Taoiseach.

Alan Lyons was next to propose the dreaded Treaty establishing a Free State, I mean the motion on Bertie Ahern. To cries of long live Ahern from the gathered masses of people outside the Aula Maxima, Alan asked what has Bertie left us but a dilapidated health service and a shoddy transport system. Alan then told us how the economy’s potential was not properly utilised during the good times.

Art Ward of the Queen’s College Cork opposed the motion, like any decent Irishman would. Art defended Bertie’s record on health, saying how it’s not his fault Mary Harney is retarded, and said how he has been the most successful Taoiseach ever in managing the economy. Art asked why did Bertie get such praise internationally from statesmen like Blair and Clinton, when people viewed him as a crook here. Because, we’re crooks and chancers in this country, Art said, and Bertie is merely the Chancer-in-Chief, who represents the nation as it is.

Paul MacEoin was the final speaker on the motion, and briefly spoke of Bertie’s attributes, like the fine young Gaelic lad that Paul is. He said how Bertie is well-perceived abroad and that he’s in the running for President of the European Council.

With that, the Treaty was put to the House, and despite the gallant efforts of True Irish Patriots, the West-Brits succeeded in subverting the Republic of Lit&Deb as proclaimed by that guy in 1846, leading directly to the establishment of Continuity Lit&Deb in the College Bar later that day. In other words, the motion was passed.

SO onto main business, the schoolies final, and the motion ‘That This House Would Introduce Mandatory Custodial Sentences for Cocaine Possession’. In the judging panel were Dan Colley, Zoe McNair, Steve Nolan, and Art Ward as Presiding Judge. In 1^st Proposition was Aoife Considine from Sligo Grammar A. Aoife told us how cocaine use has increased in the Free State, and that it must be tackled. She centred her argument on the 3D’s; Dealers, Druggies, and Dumb Blondes. As for dealers, she said how if we lock them up, the source of cocaine is gone; for druggies, if we just send them to rehab they won’t be addicted to coke anymore; and as for dumb blondes, which may or may not be a reference to Katy French, she questioned whether they’d be so eager to take a ride on the magic ski lift if prison sentences were mandatory. Finally, Aoife told us how mandatory sentences will reduce dependency and prevent deaths.

In 1^st Opposition was Darragh O’Brien of Coláiste Íognaid C. Darragh said how panic motivates this motion, and that the model lobotomises the legal system as it is. He pointed to the importance of judicial discretion in sentencing and that the particular punishment should fit the particular crime and its circumstances. On a more practical point, he said how this idea would overload our already packed prisons.

In 2^nd Proposition was Leah Colclough from Cólaiste Íognaid C. Leah told us of a coke epidemic in Ireland, with a study released by the ‘third level institution’ of DIT showing how 90% of pubs & nightclubs have traces of cocaine in the toilets. She said how this model will attack the casual cocaine users and the dealers by killing demand. She also said how there would be an amnesty for addicts so they can get rehab.

In 2^nd Opposition was Fiona Lipsett from Sligo Grammar C. Fiona told us how taking away judges’ discretion is a bad idea, and that they need that discretion in order to distinguish the drug lords supplying the drug from the casual users just in possession of it for personal use. She also pointed to Australia and the US, which both had to repeal mandatory sentences because of prison overcrowding.

In 3^rd Proposition was Jake Hansen-ummbop-Shearer of Coláiste Íognaid. Jake said how this is a cultural problem, and that the State must stop this acceptance of cocaine in society. The middle classes would be deterred from using coke if they were facing prison sentences he said, because no-one living in s semi-d and driving a Volvo wants to be sharing a cell with Antos and Deckos of Tallafornia.

In 3^rd Opposition was Linnea Pettersson of Dominican College. She said how this measure wouldn’t stop people joining gangs as they’re already not afraid of gang killings so prisons is nothing to them. Linnea told us how 20% of addicts first tried drugs in prison, and so the model will just increase the number of addicts. She also questioned whether drugs are a criminal problem, claiming it as a social problem instead.

In 4^th Proposition was Rian Derrig of St. Gerald’s College. Rian reiterated the point that the middle classes don’t like going to prison and that one-third of all drug deaths in Dublin are from cocaine. Criminal create themselves, he said, and the current law is being flouted by celebrities in the big shmoke.

In the position of 4^th Opposition was Aidan Rowe of St. Gerald’s. Aidan showed us how the most serious offences like murder, rape and pissing on the ground outside Supermac’s. He also weighed up the costs of mandatory sentences in Garda pay and prison costs versus provided more rehab, and said how judges should be able to decide whether prison-time is necessary for the individual suspect.

In 5th Proposition was Eamonn Bell of Sligo Grammar A. Eamonn said how people need to be forced into going to rehab or else imprisoned, and that this policy will send out a clear message to all the coke-heads in all social classes. He also said how the amount of their liberty we deprive them of while in prison is proportional to the seriousness of cocaine as a problem in society.

In 5^th Opposition was Ciaran Garrett of Coláiste Íognaid A. Ciaran said how putting an addict in jail is like locking an alcoholic in a pub, i.e. it’s a bad idea. Mandatory sentences, he said, are a dangerous subversion of judicial discretion and disregard the specific circumstances of the crime. As for the middle classes, he said how there’s just no need for this draconian measure if the Guards did a decent job of finding drug users.

The final speaker on proposition was Manus Lenhen of Coláiste Íognaid C. Darragh said how the proposal brings clarity to the law that all will know about before dabbling in nostril candy. The law needs to move with the times and although the measures are harsh, like a fox in the face, they are very necessary, he claimed.

The final speaker of the afternoon was Lassara Lynch of Sligo Grammar C. She said that the judiciary must act proportionately to crimes committed. Lassara also said how the costs of running new prisons would be huge and massive, and that each crime is different from the next, and should be treated as such by the law. Finally, she suggested an awareness program or the like instead of this band-aid type solution to a problem requiring at least three, and possibly four band-aids.

SO with that the judges convened to decide the results, and announced the Runner-Up team as the 2^nd Opposition of Sligo Grammar C, while the Winning Team was named as the 1^st Opposition of Coláiste Íognaid A. Finally, Aidan Rowe of St. Gerald’s was named as Best Individual Speaker.

With that the adults went back to college bar to drink big cool, crisp pints of manly beer while the teenagers went back to thinking life is unfair. Which is true for teenagers. Cause they suck.

These are the Minutes.