Minutes of the 11^th Meeting of the 161^st Session

31^st January 2008 ~ Kirwan Theatre ~ Maiden Speakers Final

AND so the eleventh meeting of the year was held here in the Kirwan. Main business for the evening was our Maiden Speakers Final, the Lit&Deb’s own little Judgement Day where our once bright-eyed and bushy-tailed first-time speakers of September trudge before the old hacks to decided who gets our respect, and who gets the rod taken to them out back. But before that we had Private Members’ Time.

Muireann O’Dwyer, perhaps next year’s SU President, nudge nudge, wink wink, proposed the motion ‘That This House Would Go Nuclear’. As she saw it, the world is facing a massive energy crisis with increasing population demanding more and more of scarce non-renewable fuels like oil, natural gas, and homeless people. Renewable energy, even at full capacity, could only provide less than half of our current demands, and nuclear power is a real and sustainable alternative for Ireland. She told us how in fifty years of nuclear power, only two significant incidents have occurred, and that the benefits outweigh any possible dangers.

Niamh McNally opposed the motion, saying how the dangers of nuclear power are just too great, and how a single accident could kill bazillions and destroy civilisation as we know it. On a practical point, Niamh said how uranium is increasing in price and to set up a nuclear power station is insanely expensive in the first place. She also questioned whether we could trust our government to not screw it up and kill us all, pointing to the health service as an example.

Sean Butler supported the motion, asking why so many developed and civilised nations use nuclear power if its so terrible and dangerous. He told us how the oil is running out and renewables are simply not a viable alternative, so we must look at nuclear energy. Sean said how the only real disaster in fifty years of smashing atoms was Chernobyl, in a country so useless it doesn’t even exist anymore.

Mike Spring, ever the socialist, told us how nuclear power is in the interests of big business alone, while Alan Lyons asked why no superhumans with superpowers have emerged from the Chernobyl disasters, except of course the superpower to quickly die of radiation poisoning.

Paul MacEoin said nuclear power isn’t viable in Ireland as we just don’t have the resources, technology or skills to make it a success, but Dave Finn said how Ireland can’t afford renewable energy either, and that Chernobyl teaches us to maintain our nuclear reactors and not let vodka-swilling communists get near the Big Red Button. James Hope, apparently in Occasional Arts, concluded by saying how nuclear reactors need to be regularly shut down for maintenance and so the electricity provided would not be as secure as we think. James also told us how this would be a bad example for developing countries, by telling them to go nuclear rather than go green.

With that the motion was put to the House and was defeated.

And so onto main business, and the motion ‘That This House Would Make Free Fees Conditional on Academic Performance’, chaired by Dr. Garret FitzGerald; former Taoiseach and also the far more cooler-sounding title of Chancellor of the National University of Ireland.

The first of our maiden speakers was Nora Ní Dhomnaill. She proposed that students must maintain an average of a 2.2 grade in order to keep free fees, taking into account illnesses and the like. Nora told us how we all have a right to third level education, but not a right to freeload off the State, and said how students don’t deserve to be in college if they spend more time in Karma than the Kirwin. She said how her proposal brings motivation to students to do better in academics and to not sleep in until 2pm and then hang about Smokies for the rest of the day.

First Opposition was Cornelia Carey, who condensed here argument into three easy to manage words, which is great for me when writing the minutes; impracticality, equality, and fun. Cornelia told us how under the current situation, if you fail a year, you lose free fees for the next year. She said how students from poorer backgrounds often have to work part-time to afford to stay in college, and so don’t have as much time to study as students being supported by their parents. She concluded by saying how the model proposed creates even more stress for students and doesn’t take into account other aspects of college, like doing a subject you’re interested in rather than just regurgitating information like in school.

Conor O’Brien, our Token American for Semester Two, proposed the motion. He began by quoting Mark Twain by saying ‘the world owes you nothing, it was here first’. In a quaint American twang, he told us how we should weed out deadbeats and goof-offs, and how jerkoffs who don’t go to class shouldn’t get away with it. Conor said how success stems from incentives, and free fees for a reasonable amount of work is a great incentive for students. He told us how student will appreciate college more and work harder at getting a good degree if they have to pay for it, like he does.

Ronan Fitzpatrick opposed the motion, saying how college is not just about results, but creating well-rounded individuals. He said a better way of getting rid of waste-of-space students would be to just up the failure threshold from 40%, and that the current proposal would create a grind-school culture in universities similar to that already in secondary schools. Making students constantly worried about failing exams, he said, would stop them from getting involved in worthwhile sports and societies like the Lit&Deb and our arch nemesis, the Chocolate Society.

Joseph Quinn was our final maiden speaker in proposition. He wore a suit jacket while making his speech and was thus much better than the others without even having to speak. He did speak though, and told us how students should be judged on performance alone and how the real world outside of university has no time for apathy and laziness. The model proposed would separate the workers from the dossers, also known as Soc&Pol students, and would ultimately benefit society in the long run. Joseph pointed out how education isn’t free, as the taxpayer has to pick up the bill for us, and how this investment by the taxpayer demands a fair return.

Áine Mulloy opposed the motion, saying how any fool can achieve a 2.2 result. She correctly said how those not able to hack it in our fantastical Queen’s College Galway/ University College Galway/ National University of Ireland, Galway should go back to where they belong; the ITs. She told us how with too few library books for too many students it’s already a dog-eat-dog situation without the threat of taking away free fees. Áine said how the poor will face a disproportionately harsh penalty for screwing up once.

With that the judges went away to decide the fate of our first years, and the motion was opened to the floor. Not literally the floor, of course, that would be silly, but rather the people standing on the floor. People like Dave Finn, who told us how the model is essentially bribing students and that people don’t fail college because they’re poor, but because they’re simply not suited to college.

Dan Colley said how under the current situation, students only have to work for final year for exams, and this lowers the overall standard. The current situation encourages complacency and grade inflation, making our B.A.’s worth even less.

Ronan Harrington proposed the motion, saying how there is no positive obligation on the State to provide for third level education. People right now are going to college even though it’s not right for them because the fees are free and having to pay for a degree makes you really think about it and really work to get to get it.

James O’Donnell opposed the motion, saying how there is a crisis in university funding at the moment, so we need to get as many people into colleges as we can. He also said how a third level education is not about turning students into economic units.

Niall O’Hara said how an incentive to work better already exists in that someone with a better degree is more likely to get a good job, while James Hope took a Darwinian slant on the debate, saying how the taxpayer invests in all students equally because it knows an educated future workforce makes the country better off as a whole. He also said how educating the population not only benefits the country economically, but is also good for democracy in that the people are wise; unless of course they graduated from the University of Limerick.

Lisa Maher supported the motion, saying how the current system encourages mediocrity, and also said how it’s unfair that students on Grants get a free postgraduate without having to work especially hard for it.

Muireann O’Dwyer disagreed, saying how the grants system is an equaliser and said how it’s better to just get people educated so they’ll have something to fall back on later in life.

Niamh McNally proposed the motion, saying how people who can’t handle the workload in college should just leave and join the workforce. She also questioned the idea that only college can provide young people with great life experiences.

Sean Butler promised he wouldn’t ride off into the distance on his trusty horse Tangent, and stuck by his word. He said how the Lit&Deb was built on wasters and half-assed students. At this point a Procedural Motion was put forward and passed, meaning Sean Butler has one week to thoroughly study the history of the Lit&Deb to back up this claim. Sean asked us whether college is about being in the library or the Kirwin at 7 o’clock on a Thursday night, and said how he’s learnt more at the Lit&Deb than in any lecture.

Paul MacEoin said the student’s role is to emerge from college clutching a vaguely useful qualification, while Alan Lyons said how if the government is going to be screwing him with taxes for the next fifty years, he’s entitled to sponge off the State a bit while in college. Finally, Sínead Barry told us how the average student has plenty of time in the week to balance study and fun.

With that, Dr. Garret FitzGerlad briefly spoke on the motion, making the dubious statement that ‘Sean Butler is right’. Then the judges came back and Chief Adjudicator Steve Nolan announced the runner-up as Ronan Fitzpatrick, while the winner of the Maiden Speakers Competition for 2008 was Joseph Quinn. These are the Minutes as Recorded.