Minutes of the 1^st Meeting of the 161^st Session

27^TH September 2007 ~ Gibs’ Night

AND so it was that the 161^st Session kicked off with Gibs’ Night, here in the Kirwan Theatre. Under the watchful eye of guest chairperson Kieran Duffy, a record number of first-year and first-time speakers took the opportunity to speak on motions and win themselves a fantastic prize as well. But before we unleashed the first years on the unsuspecting podium, we opened the floor to Private Members’ Time.

James Hope proposed the motion TTHW write to the Queen, expressing thanks for 800 years of careful supervision. James said how the British had civilised and liberated us from oppression, just like they did in Iraq. He also said how they gave us railways, roads, and the great institution of the post office; which was viciously attacked by ‘bad republican people’ in Easter 1916. Furthermore, he suggested we should pay a service charge to the British for their careful governance of Northern Ireland.

Tony McDonnell opposed the motion, saying how the British had divided the Irish nation, turning Catholic against Protestant, in an attempt to keep Ireland as England’s breadbasket. At this point, James condemned Tony for almost turning this into a serious debate.

Dave Finn said how Tony McDonnell was nothing more than a self-hating Brit, who would rob the potatoes from your children. Dave said that Irish culture was based on being drunk, being angry, and hating the Brits, and without the Brits, who would there be to hate?

Cathy Egan said that without the British, we wouldn’t have the dozens of rebel songs that got her through Leaving Cert History. She also thanked the British for establishing King’s Inn, where she now has the pleasure of paying €12,000 in tuition fees, and all just so she can wear a fancy looking black robe and hat.

Steve Nolan said the British occupation was a crime. He said how before the Brits came along, Ireland was a great land, where people lived happily without law and where inbreeding was rife. He said how the British ruined all this with their rule of law, infrastructure and university system.

Steven Quigley said how had it not been for the British forcing his ancestors to speak English, he might have used the cupla focail and knowledge of ceili dancing to score foreign women.

Alan Lyons spoke of the benefits of British justice, whereby if you committed a crime you were sent on an all-expenses paid trip to sunny Australia for the rest of their life.

Ronan Harrington spoke in Irish for a few seconds, thus raising a patriotic cheer from all of us who know what the language sounds like, but can’t speak it.

Then the motion was put to the floor, and was heavily defeated by those troublesome Irish.

Steve Nolan proposed the motion TTHW Mandate the Corresponding Secretary to Write South and Declare War. Steve said how the University College Cork’s debating society had insulted the Lit&Deb’s honour, with an article stating how in Galway ‘debating consists of the finer points of losing’. He called for the Lit&Deb to write a declaration of war to them. Dave Finn called for us not to declare war, but instead to just beat them. He said we should beat them with sticks and rocks, and kill them all, and kill their children and their grandchildren. After Dave finished his freak-out, the motion was put to the floor, and was passed, so the UCC Philosophical Society joins the long list of entities which we are currently at war with; including China, Equatorial Guinea, and the Isle of Man.

With that motion passed, PMT was ended and the main business of the evening, Gibs’ Night, began, with Kieran Duffy chairing.

Rob Pierce (Arts) was the first of our first-year speakers, choosing the motion ‘TTHW put on its glasses and take another look’. He said how we should take a closer look at the Lit&Deb, and said how it is full of good people, especially the Recording Secretary, and how it’s not all about debating, but more about the craic and the heroic amounts of drinking at the house parties afterwards.

Dave Gonzaga (Arts) spoke of the trouble involved in organising a Galway Guinness & Mussels Festival, saying how it was difficult to keep both the gays and the neo-Nazis away from the festivities. He also said how he likes the sound of his own voice.

Áine Mulloy (Arts) spoke on the motion ‘TTHW Repeat it’s Leaving Cert, sure it was the best year of their life’. She said how spending seven-and-half months doing nothing in school and then having two weeks of panic-studying was a cruel way of deciding if you get to go to a shameful I.T. or a great college like this.

Jackie Driscoll (Medicine) said how she had better things to be doing last year than studying for CAO points. She said how it must have been a student blinded by the drink-fuelled goggles of time that came up with this motion. She said how college are the best days of your life, where parents can’t annoy you and lectures are but a minor inconvenience.

Paul MacEoin (Science) was the first of many speakers on the motion ‘TTHB Religion is the Opiate of the Stupid’. Paul said it is crazy to believe in something that cannot be proven, and how he used to be an altar boy until he was 12, when his faith took and awful pounding when he was traded in for a newer model.

Steve-from-Athlone (Arts) said religion was factually proven to lead to bad things. He pointed to how Hitler once read the Bible, and look what happened there. He also said how one did not need to follow a book’s teaching in order to live a good life, while James O’Doherty (Engineering) said how he thinks the idea of heaven originated when some guy got high.

Peter Corbett (Law) opposed the motion, saying how the Bible is a great read full of hilarious stories like this one time, God almost made Abraham kill his son but then at the last minute said he was just messing with him, and this other time, God turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt.

Fergal Flynn (Science) said how people turn to faith in times of trouble, and that the Catholic Church had built many of Ireland’s schools and hospitals. He also said how the many voluntary religious organisations do a lot of good in the Third World.

Laura Burke (Engineering) spoke on the motion ‘TTHB a Woman’s Place is in the Home’. Laura said how she had successfully fed herself and her flatmates solely on out-of-date sausages and eggs. She then tried to haggle with the Chairperson for the precious pizza vouchers as a prize.

Laura’s flatmate Aisling also spoke on the motion, saying how she was looking for a man and, as a First Arts student, has plenty of time to spend around the flat learning to cook.

Lisa Scott (2^nd Arts) said how she’s only in college cause she heard guys like women with degrees, and how although he didn’t attend all her lectures, she could make a great cup of tea. Appropriately, Lisa was given an iron as her prize.

Gráinne Rooney (Medicine) said this whole women-in-the-home idea was just a conspiracy by men designed for them to have sex-on-tap at home.

Ronan Fitzpatrick (Science) spoke on the motion ‘TTHW Dye Bertie Green ‘cause it just doesn’t wash’. Ronan said how he is from Cavan, which we realised as soon as he began speaking. He said how this motion was really about the age old battle of faith between the townies and the culchies, and how the culchies would eventually storm to victory.

Roisín Kelly (2^nd Arts) spoke on the motion ‘TTH Thinks Reality T.V. marks the end of human imagination’. She said how reality TV is stupid, seeing as all we do is pay our Sky subscriptions so we can watch people competing to lose the most weight on dodgy Channel 4 shows.

Alan Duggan (Arts) spoke on the motion ‘TTH Says No to People Bashing Arts Students’. He said Arts is a great course, where anyone capable of getting 350 points in the Leaving Cert can go to college and study absolutely anything in the Arts faculty.

On the motion ‘TTH Believes Harry Potter deserves to Die and I Hope he burns in Hell’, Katie O’Gorman (1^st Science) said how the wizard had condemned all black-haired kids with glasses with the nickname Harry Potter. Katie also then gave away the ending of the last Harry Potter book, devastating all the bookish teenagers in the audience.

Eamon from Science took on the motions like he’d take on the Olsen twins; two at a time. On the ‘George Bush is a Pussy’ motion, he said that he’s really more of a wrinkly dog, and on the ‘Harry Potter’ motion, he said that the visually-challenged kid had made glasses seem cool.

So with time against us and all the prizes all gone, Gibs’ Night was nearly over. As the judging panel went away to decide on the best first-year speakers, the Auditor opened all the motions to the floor.

Mike Spring (3^rd Arts) spoke on the Religion motion, saying how every society has asked the difficult questions of who we are and why we are here. He said we are afraid of what we don’t know and pointed out, that the opium of the stupid is, in fact, opium.

Orlaith O’Connor, (3^rd Arts) the Lit&Deb’s Treasurer, said how Steve Nolan had driven up the Society’s dinner bill with his meal of ‘steak stuffed with more steak’. She also said how she is no longer a walkover, as we proceeded to walk all over her.

Conor Kelly (2^nd Arts) said how we should just knock out Orlaith using the rohypnols from his special biscuit tin back home, and head out on the town curtosey of the Society’s chequebook.

With that, the judges returned to tell us the results. In 2^nd place, was Fergal Flynn (1^st Science), but the winner of Gibs’ Night 2007 was Jackie Driscoll (1^st Medicine).

These are the Minutes as Recorded.