AS the Grand Luminary began to once again bid adieu to the Northern Hemisphere for another year, and Zeus and Thor flexed their muscles and reminded all why we hate Galway in the Winter, the masses huddled into the Temple of Kirwan not only for warmth, but also for intellectual conversation and witty banter as the Literary and Debating Society met for the third time of the 158 th Academic Session on Thursday the 7 th of October 2004 at 8pm. As per usual , the meeting was chaired by the Auditory Mr. Kevin J.P. Leavy, who had become a B. Comm.

After welcoming the crowd, Mr. Leavy handed over to the sharply-dressed Mr. Sean P.M. Butler, whose unorthodox and cerebral attempt at humour in the previous meetings minutes had seemingly little impact on the apparent “”intelligensia” of this college. After the minutes, Mr. Leavy called upon Mr. James Jeffers, B.X to read the correspondence the Society received from the Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipatentiary of the Russian Federation to the Republic of Ireland, which Mr. Jeffers did.

With the formalities dealth with, Mr. Leavy asked for a motion from the floor to open Pre-Menstrual Tension. His call was answered by King of the Hippies Mr. James Hope (1 st Arts), who proposed “That this House Welcomes the Spanish Government Decision to legalise Gay Marriage” Mr. Hope treated us to some lefty liberal pinka hippie propaganda by telling us that two consenting adults can’t have a civil union, even if they are one of those nasty homosexuals. Martin Collins (LLM) bastion of true right Christian values, told us that since 90% of Spaniards are Catholic, a referendum should have been held to decide about that dirty gay stuff. Sean Butler (46 th Science) bored us all with more left-wing garbage about the Government’s role in making law bing only to prevent the violation of people’s rights. Susan Treacy (1 st Commerce), a staunch protector of all that’s right and right, said that the Governments role in law is to control anything that may have a detrimental effect on Society. Sharon Dillon-Lyons (LLB), again proving that there are too many bloody liberals in this college, said that while adoption may not be a right, marriage is. Stephen Nolan (2 nd Arts) criticised the Spanish Government, not for encouraging seedy deviant behaviour, but for acting outside their power in deciding that the people weren’t fit to choose. Keith Spudford Maye, M.A, helped to push the debate into the sidetrack of gay adoption, as he actually stated we should let those filthy deviants get their grubby hands on poor innocent kids if they pass the strict adoption guidelines. David Finn B.A, the only person in the history of Lit n’ Deb to have proposed himself to be a fat gay man asked us why married people are considered to be instantly better at raising children than non-married couples. Peter O’Brien (3 rd Science) told us that heterosexual married couples can screw up children too. And finally Daniel Duffy, one of those people, called it a simple equality issue. He also told us that you don’t have homosexuality, it has you, meaning it is not a disease as current scientific theory thinks, but is actually some parasite. The motion was summed up and those gay-loving tree huggers won.

The second motion of the night came from Dave Finn, who proposed “That this House would write a letter to Lynx about the nature of their Advertising”. Mr. Finn complained that he has worn Lynx-24 and hung out in a supermarket, but nothing remotely like the contents of the ad had happened to him. Peter O’Brien continued the theme of the previous motion by saying that the reason Dave wasn’t attracting women was because he was hanging out in the men’s hygiene section. Stephen Nolan asked simply would anyone sleep with Dave? David Kane (2 nd Corp. Law) proved that the ads are working because we’re talking about them. Daniel Duffy said that sleeping with Dave would not be the most inappropriate thing he had ever done, and finally Stuart Niland (1 st Arts) called himself a divine human specimen. The motion was summed up, defeated, and despite the fact that passing the motion would have had to write to Lynx claiming that Dave Finn wasn’t getting any despite doing all the things in their ads, the motion was defeated again on a re-count.

Mr. Leavy then closed PMT, and declared it time for Main Business, the Dennis Caulfield Herron Memorial Showpiece Debate, featuring some of the most talented university debaters in the country (and Peter), with the motion titled “That his House believes the USA can secure World Peace”.

Mr. O’Brien opened the debate saying that the only way world peace could be secured would be for the US to launch a first-strike night-time Black Ops stealth attack of North Korea while in the midst of negotiating with them. James Hope opened of the opposition, claiming that such an act would destroy everyone’s trust in the US and such an attack would not be as easy as Mr. O’Brien foresaw. Derek Doyle called the North Koreans, and I quote, “absolute bastards”, and that Kim Jong-Il was known to direct famines at areas he disliked. Tony McDonnell (3 rd Arts) said that America was equipped for high-tech aerial warfare, not a ground assault. Stephen Nolan pointed out that North Korea have nuclear weapons pointed at Seoul. Derek Lande told us Chinese people are smart while Americans are stupid, and asked why can’t we all just be friends? Paddy Buckley talked about a moral imperative to take down the Elvis-loving freaks, and said it would be a whitewash. And Sharon Dillon-Lyons declared Peter’s plan like buying someone a pint and then shagging their girlfriend.

The motion was opened to the floor. Finbar Murphy said North Korea was a very small country that will not attack the world. Vincent Lacey (1 st Arts) told us that people worship Kim Jong-Il just as some guy called Adolf Hitler was worshipped by Germans in the 1930’s and 40’s. Jeff Rockett (1 st Arts) declared that another country run by a madman with a horrible human rights record and a history of nuclear proliferation was actually the biggest threat to world peace today : America. Lorcan Price (2 nd Arts) came up with the unique solution of arming North Korea to the teeth in nukes, as fear of mutually assured destruction would be a great motivator. Pete (American) said that progress such as the disarming of Libya was being made. Sean Small (1 st Arts) asked us how many times have we had to rely on America to save us in the past. Emily Truedo (American) told us that America doesn’t have the resources to control Iraq, so we can’t ask them to do more. Garreth Joyce told us that the American military would struggle in a jungle situation. John Hyland (3 rd Arts) expert on Americans, said that America should lead by example and show that peace starts at home. Jennifer Zahalli (American) warned us that while talks are ongoing, North Korea has the time to develop weapons platforms and finally Roisin McGrogan (1 st Civil Law) asked how can Korean peace equate to world peace.

The motion was defeated by a show of hands and Lit n’ Deb went off to take further advantage of this country’s functioning by corruption.