Long, long time ago, I can still remember how the music used to make me feel. I no longer remember what real music sounds like… Unfortunately I no longer care for the sweet sound of dolphin song nor the even sweeter taste of real butter on chips. That which now touches my tongue turns to ash. I no longer remember the sound of fresh running water, nor the taste of strawberries. I’m naked in the dark and all I can see is the ring of…FIRE! Why… because I’m not going to worlds! They didn’t see fit to send myself and Vincent. I’m not bitter, no really, I’m not bitter, not at all; no of course I never contemplated killing anybody, or poisoning the water supply or setting someone on fire, recording it and selling it to MTV. No, I would never do that. I’m a good boy. Vincent would though. Stephen and Sharon: you have 3 hours to live. You have been poisoned. Go and die in whatever way seems best to you…
In other news, the 4th meeting of the 159th session of the Lit & Deb commenced on the 13th of October, 2005 and was chaired by Mr. Stephen Nolan (3ba), ‘The Great Dictator.’ Mr P.B. Cluskey, dashing and handsome as ever, delivered the minutes to laughter and cries of amazement such as ‘Gosh’ and ‘my word.’ After the meeting however I was attacked by The Missing Link and The Pigeon, who should not be part of this society, due to the fact that they were unable to solve the arisen conflict with debate, reason and argument. Instead they gave the most pathetic attempt of beating up someone I have ever seen. Ever! Another thing they have in common it would seem…the poor hand eye co-ordination of an arts student.
Ms. Donna ‘Medically Blond’ Cummins (2 med and health science) proposed “TTHW increase the retirement age”. She told us that in 30 years time there would be too many people retired. Ms. Stephanie “as you objected to me calling you a pigeon last week, this week you are not being called pigeon, but The Flying Diseased Rat” Joyce (2 arts) seconded the motion and then opposed, indicating to everyone that her speech would be just as confused as she was. She did eventually did tell us that people should have a chance to enjoy life before they die. Mr Patrick Cluskey IV (2 arts- economics and legal science), “Master of Rolls”, told the house that it was unreasonable to think that the government might have to pay up to 15% of GDP to pensioners. He suggested that there should be more private pensions, as it was inevitable that the government would eventually stop paying public pensions. The dashing gentleman also stated that Germany and France were now paying 13% of GDP to pensions and this was having a disastrous effect. My Cluskey also mentioned that the Porter’s in the college and been dismissed, aged 65, even though they didn’t want to be. Robert Rooney (3 B.C.L.) spoke briefly about a national pension fund. S.J. Nealon (middle child on and arts degree) spoke of how we should decrease the age of retirement to 40 and pay everyone 3 million euro each. He also talked about fire, brimstone and the end of the world. At this point Mr. Collins entered the Kirwan late, meaning my minutes had only 3 objections this week instead of 6. Next up was Eoin O’ Fiachain (i.t.) who said that economics shouldn’t come into this argument, and that tough jobs let people down who are relying on pensions. Mark “Churchill” Hannifey (7th science) agreed that it was not an economic question and we shouldn’t try to force people out of the workforce. Finally Mr Sean P.M. Butler (Science) talked of how he had stumbled across the “final solution” to the problem while concocting new and more advanced ways of killing babies, butterflies and all things nice... He informed the crowd that it was a priority to kill everyone over the age of 65. He said that this would not impose an economic burden on the state because a guard of honour would lead the 65 year old towards the bus lane of the no. 42a, a large double decker, meaning the state would not have to pay for the cost of death. The motion was summed up and defeated.
Main business commenced. The motion before the house was “TTHB George Bush is un-fit to rule.” A new format for main business was announced. There would be two speakers in proposition and two speakers in opposition, all speaking for 7 minutes each. Following this the motion would be put to the house for discussion, debate and intellectual stimulus. The new format was my idea and I claim it as my own.
I was really looking forward to the debate this evening. I wondered how Jeff would manage to talk about ‘The Bush’ for 7 minutes. Unfortunately it turned out that the debate wasn’t about the Bush but some president that someone had once heard something about and thought it would be a good idea to debate on. I strongly disagreed. They thought it would be interesting but I was especially looking forward to Vincent’s opinion on ‘The Bush.’ First up was Jeffrey “the only gay Eskimo” Rockett (2ba) who attacked Bush for his incompetence while dealing with the disaster caused by hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Vincent “Pro-Tit” Lacey (2ba) talked about successes in Iraq. Sean ‘simply unintelligent’ Butler listed 25 of Bush’s failure’s and then told us that Bush was “clinically insane” if he really believes “God told him” to invade Iraq. Closing the formal section of the debate was Mr. Lorcan Price, Mr. Cuddles, gave a very funny speech, mentioning that Iraq was a fledgling democracy thanks to Bush.
The motion was now opened to the floor. Laura Gistout “token American” said that the current white house administration where making many blatant mistakes. Martin Collins said that we gloss over many impeached presidents mistakes because they gave “rousing speeches”. Eoin O’ Fiachain (I.T.) said “America has declared war on the U.N.” Pearse O’Hanlon (2 bridge building) said that more war would lead to an increased need for engineers, decreasing the likelihood that future engineers would be distributed among the elderly, as their ability to drone on endlessly about stuff no-one cares about would make them excellent companions for old people. S. Nealon said that the war in iraq was “illegal”. Beartla “loves pigeon yet is unable to solve conflict with reason and argument” De Burca (2 arts) said that war was a political tool that was used when politically necessary. John Moriarity (2 arts) said that Bush had been under the influence of “holy spirits.” Claire “Mother Goose” McGowan (2 arts) said that mass graves had come as a result of mass destruction. Sean Small ( 2 arts) said that there was a war on terror before George Bush. Niall o’ Tuairgs (2 science) said that America had no right to sacrifice its own soldiers in Iraq. Patrick Cluskey (that’s me…again) said that it was legitimate to be inspired by god and that the mission in iraq was an ongoing one. He did however criticise America for ignoring Kyoto protocols. Zoe “just one more sneeze and I’ll reach climax…” McNare (1 arts) said that the main reason Bush entered Iraq was wrong. Finally closing the Debate was Sarah “the amazing flying nun” Bruen (2 law) who said that we should decommission Bush.
The motion was summed up and passed twice. The lower end of the concourse turned to darkness and a long, low, creaking echoed from that un- holy place. A terrible roar echoed from the far end of the concourse, followed by the terrible crash of tower two crashing down into the concourse and into the unholy Harlem of LawSoc that is the O’Flaherty, and the twisted flee market of Cairnes that is P.D.S. None shall mourn their passing for never before has a society been as great as the Lit&Deb, and never before has a place been as holy as the Blessed Richard E. Kirwan, save the legendary Greek Hall itself. Nunc Nunc qui timot eloqui.