(The first 3 paragraphs of the minutes have been censored)
Insanity!! Undoubtedly on many occasions my minutes won’t make sense. In fact, I’m telling you now that they aren’t going to make sense. You’ll be delighted to know however, there are two excellent reasons for this. Firstly I may be forced to express a truly revolutionary idea or truly foolish and stupid idea in metaphorical form. For example: If someone proclaimed that “Fianna fail are creating a fair and equal society”, this would become “a new report claims that several penguins in the Antarctic have acquired the power of flight.” The second reason for the presence of insanity within these minutes is for an altogether different reason, though I’m afraid a more likely one. That is of course that I am simply a raving lunatic!!
In other news, the 2nd meeting of the society commenced at approximately 8.10 pm on the 29th September and was chaired by the venerable Mr Stephen “I’m not allowed give you a nickname” Nolan (3rd arts-having completed these 3 years in a very reasonable 6 year period.) Mr P. B. Cluskey, the rec. sec. more intelligent and more dashing than Mr. Butler, read the minutes. Although people were terrified to laugh when I told everyone that Sharon was evil and could eat a baby whole, I felt they went reasonably well. With only 6 objections I have a lot to aim for.
The first PMT was proposed by Sean “who is not getting a nickname this week as he will hand me the chain once he gets it” Butler, (science post grad) proposed “TTHW decommission Ian Paisley.” He talked, knowingly for once, of how Paisley is unable to accept and acknowledge the truth of the I.R.A.’s decommissioning. Opposing the motion was Martin Collins (law) who told us that the I.R.A. have lied in the past and that Paisley is simply proclaiming what the people believe to be true. James “The last hippie standing hope” Hope, who has been adopted by the Celtic Civilisations department due to the fact they need more than 3 students to remain a department, said that Paisley instils and preys on fear in the north. Next up was Danny P. (most likely to be mistaken for fertiliser!) who called the Sinn Fein movement communist, saying that the I.R.A. should have decommissioned 8 years ago after the Good Friday agreement was signed. John Moriarity (2 psychology- most likely to be mistaken for crazed lunatic) asked that if Hugh Ward and Michael Howard believe the I.R.A. why can’t Paisley. Robert “the less than prophet-like random gossip queen” Rooney (3 B.C.L.) said that it was time to convince Paisley’s crowd of a changing political reality. The motion was summed up and the auditor deemed it carried. A recount was called and it was deemed to have been carried for a second time. A 3rd recount was called for and the motion was passed 31 votes to 28 votes.
The draw was now made for main business. Irish Concrete Ltd. (U.C.D.) was 1st proposition, Galway South (Cork) was 1st Opposition, the last bastard progeny of the virgin queen (T.C.D.) were 2nd proposition and finally Knives Incorporated (U.L.) was drawn closing opposition. The teams for main business were given 15 minutes to prepare and another P.M.T. was called for.
The Random Gossip Queen (Robert Rooney), as a representative of Fianna Fail proposed foolishly “TTHW not rate its teachers.” He told us that the “Rate My Teachers” website had no valid purpose and that whole school evaluation was the way to go. Oh was he as wrong!? Susan Connelly (A future vet from Irish Concrete LTD. (U.C.D.)) stated the many things Robert hadn’t noticed, such as the fact that all teachers aren’t lovely; one isn’t able to fire a teacher easily, and that it just might be disastrous if parents relied on whole school evaluation, as this would lead to parents demanding certain teachers for their children. Next up was Tristan “censored” Netheway (2PSP) who said that the system is too open and that Dave Finn once fancied a nun. Typical Fianna Fail secrecy, I say! The final speaker was Mark “Churchill” Hannifey (7th science) who talked about about how the A.S.T.I. would have full control over the whole school evaluation system and so no benefit would come from it. He also mentioned the positive nature of comments appearing on the website. The motion was summed up and overwhelmingly defeated.
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Main business started and order was called for. The judges were introduced as Ms. Susan Connelly (L&H) who was here after winning Best Breast 2004; Mr. Danny P. McCarthy (U.C.C. Philospoh), 3 times semi-finalist in the Munster schools competition; and finally chairing the panel was Mr. Martin Collins, former auditor and objector to the minutes.
The motion was “TTHW drink like the Europeans.”
Opening for 1st Prop was Morgan Shelly who argued against the nanny state in favour of personal responsibility. They proposed freeing up the market by opening pubs longer and also introduced a “drinking license.” Opening for 1st Opp was Derek “Jimmy” Doyle who called alcohol an escapist drug and argued why parents should educate their children about alcohol. Closing 1st Prop’s argument was Margarette Carter who talked about severe punishments for those caught creating trouble, leading to the most terrible thing in the world: the loss of your drinking license. Closing U.C.C.’s argument was Diarmuid Early who talked of how changing the current law is bad. Shane Farrell opened the debate for 2nd Opp, the last bastard progeny of the virgin queen. He talked about removing the barriers currently in existence restricting the number of pubs in the country, as high costs are driving pubs to sell more alcohol. Tony Murphy was 1st speaker for 2nd opp and part of U.L.’s cork campus. He told us that extending drinking hours will just increase the problem, and that the government must increase regulation of the industry. Closing the propositions arguments was pCiaran Denning, who summed up the main clashes in the debate and argued that people can buy alcohol from off-licences and drink all day anyway. The prop’s model supposedly solves this. Closing the debate was Ms. Sharon Dillion-Lyons from U.L.’s galway campus (Lady MacBeth). She talked about how existing legislation is preferable to prop’s model, it just wasn’t being enforced properly.
As the judges retired the motion was opened to the floor. Ms Donna “Legally Blond” Cummins (2nd Med.) called for the creation of a place where all alcoholics could meet, socialise and exchange. On realising that pubs had already been invented, she promptly informed us that drinking was bad and alcohol was good and sat down. Rosin McGrogain (2nd law) told us of her travels through Prague and declared that the European model was not ideal. James Hope (temporarily a member of the Celtic Civilizations department) said that the creation of an “alcohol license” was a good idea as it would instil fear and reduce alcohol consumption. Beartla “the missing link” DeBurca (2nd arts), true to form had just had a thought, and informed us about the different drinking patterns throughout Europe. As he spoke Stephanie “I’m only really a big pigeon” Joyce could feel her heart rate quicken as Beartla spoke. Could it be the beginnings of love…?
Anyway, the judges returned and Mr. Collins delivered the verdict. He said that a lot of points had been made but there had been little development of these points. Also the debate had fallen down on arguments and the presentation of these arguments. U.C.C. were declared winners and D. Early (U.C.C.) was declared best individual.
With that we all ran towards the door for out lives as security descended upon the Kirwan. Armed with rifles, torches and miniature Irish flags they proved a force too great and powerful to ever imagine. Even that farmer who had defeated the entire Irish army would have been no match for these deadly assassins, possessing rare abilities of moderate intelligence and brute force.
At this point in the minutes a death was recorded. Due to a lack of evidence, a body and actual reality this death has been censored…