Legal Eagles:

 Flights of Fancy and Lashings and Lashings of Ginger Beer

 

The fools the fools

They have left us

Our law students alive

And with a floor of the library all to themselves…

 

If you ever walk into the bottom floor of the library, you are sure to see a big “NOPE” written on the backside of half of those crouched over the desks. It’s the worst and the best place to study. If you want to be distracted then this is the place to be in; and if you want to study then watch your back, because the knives come out if you are getting too far ahead. But more importantly, if you are in there then ask yourself why - because this is the law floor and if you are not a law student then return, foul being, to the upstairs or back under whatever cabbage leaf you crawled out from. Because its only a certain chosen few who are entitled to this floor:

 

Civil Law Students:

These are the fully fledged brides of the Law Faculty, the crème de la crème. Affectionately known as the “Real Law Students” or “those little bastards” depending on whether you’re looking for a book from desk reserve that is two days late or not. They are the supreme generals of the faculty and more importantly, they bloody well know it too! These people got the points and will continually let you know that they got them. Get over it, and leave back the blooming desk reserve books, preferably with all pages intact please - thank you!

 

Corp. Law Students:

Oh for the want of thirty more points and things could have been so much different. They were the once happily married brides of the faculty, but are now divorced from their position as the top undergrad law course in Galway. One’s heart must go out to them, because after three years of study their only qualification is - to apply for the LLB.

 

Commerce Students:

“I chose to do this course”

Of course you did! It had nothing to do with not getting the points for a real law degree. This bunch has real issues, they want to study law and by hook or by, well by three years of penance they can enter the heaven of the LLB. But all is not lost, at least for those three years they do not have to refer to themselves as Arts students.

 

Arts Students:

These boys are at the bottom end of the ladder, and are scorned as such. They do Legal Science and fall into two general categories.

 

a) Those who call themselves Law Students:

Simply they’re nothing more than a bunch of wannabes. These are the most misguided group of students on campus; they are so bitter at not having the points to study real law, or even the points to study commerce pretending to like it for three years. No, they are bitter, bitter lemons that imagine themselves as law students, with the law books under the left arm, and they always seem to have a constitution at hand, just in case a legal issue comes up – while in Dunnes shopping. For God’s sake give it up; you should be just happy to be in college, and not have any fanciful notions of being more than what you are. Wake up and smell the smelly coffee from the Junction, you’re an Arts student, deal with it!

 

b) Those resigned to the fact that they are Arts Students:  

Well at least they are content to be what they are, and if they aren’t then at least they are honest with themselves. What more can be said about them – ahmmm - I’ll have fries with that! Nah, that’s too clichéd. Well I guess that’s that: there is no more to say about them, except well done on getting this far and good luck in the Olympics this summer! Oops, controversial! Shouldn’t have written that, it’s too cruel - on the real competitors, at least they get medals, and I hear they are more useful than a BA after your name! Sure Mandela wasn’t even given a BA, or a medal, he got an Honorary Law Doctorate.

 

The LLB Student:

Ah bless, they finally got the chance to be real law students, and it only took one degree course. They think they own the place and that because they have a few letters after their name that they are entitled to ask questions in lectures - for Christ’s sake it’s in the handout if you read it. They try to be all pally, pally too with the lecturers and in return they usually get all the tips for the exam. And will they share it with everyone else? No, not a bloody chance. But alas they seem to need the tips, maybe it’s the ageing process but these diligent fellows are somewhat dim, maybe that’s why they didn’t do a real law course from the beginning.

 

And there you have it; these are the NOhoPErs that can be found on the bottom floor of the library. If you find yourself fitting into the above then well done. If you don’t think you fit into the above, then it’s either because you are not a law student at all or that the author is a fool who knows not of what he writes or because you are self deceiving little moron that’s too wrapped up in your own self importance to realise that maybe just maybe, you are the fool.

 

J.F.K.