An Extract from “Q.C.G.”, 1903:

 

A Nine o’clock Lecture

 

“If you’re waking call me early, early Bridget, do you hear?

And remember, have my breakfast by the time it’s getting clear.”

It was thus the weary student sought the servant’s morning knock,

While “confound those early lectures! Just imagine 9 o’clock!”

 

Burst in frenzied accents from him, and with most convincing power:

“Why on earth are morning lectures given at such a beastly hour?”

Daylight dawns, the servant knocks, “The breakfast, sir, will soon be froze.”

“Aye, alright! Let’s see? Half-seven. Time enough to have a doze;

 

But for only half a minute. Doesn’t do at all to keep

Breakfast waiting as it – a…er…” O’er he turns and falls asleep.

“Hang it all, have I been sleeping? Well, no odds, I’m still in time;

Must be wearing up to 8. I-----blood and thunder! Ten to nine.

 

There; I haven’t time to shave although my bristle’s four days old!

Bridget, is the breakfast ready? O, look here! This tea’s quite cold!

Where the dickens is that scribbler? Ha! The tram! Well I’m in luck,

Won’t do badly after all-----O drat the thing it’s going up!

 

*******************************************************

 

Eight short minutes to Nile Lodge, and not bad walking I half think,

O bedad, I’ll do the rest in less than half a parrot’s wink.

Where’s my handkerchief? I’m parboiled every inch, and O dear O!

Don’t I most devoutly hope the College clock’s a bit too slow.

 

Half-past nine with all my hurry; hardly worth going in at all,

And I wouldn’t if I didn’t need the attendance for my Schol.

Wait a minute! What’s this notice? O confound it all I say –

“Professor Dash regrets he cannot meet his early class to-day.”

 

John Nod.