Ladies’ Notes

The Literary and Debating Society has taught me a great many things including the ability to have confidence and convictions in what I say and tolerance for the ignorant cretins who disagree with me (welt I might not quite have the hang of the tolerance thing just yet). But by far the most notable and useful quality is my newly acquired ability to spot sexual innuendo in just about anything!

So on that note I’d like to comment on the hidden advantages of a visit to the Lit and Deb for the young single ladies of UCG. Forget the shoe size myths and toilet door graffiti, if you want to find out more about a particular gentleman, listen to him debate. It is my observation that there are essentially three main types of debaters; the beginner, the amateur, and the master-debater.

The Beginner

Well everyone has to start somewhere and understandably the first time a young man stands up can be nervewracking. The beginner is spotted by his flushed cheeks, fumbling around and occasional stuttering. Often they aren’t too sure what they’re doing and if they do hit a point it’s probably accidental rather than intentional.

But ladies, pay attention to these young men. They will learn with time and possibly go on to great things. So grab one now while they’re still fresh and obedient because they’ll soon be snapped up.

The Amateur

The amateur is a sort of strange category because they don’t always go on to the greatness of master-debaters. A lot of amateurs stay quite contently as amateurs for their entire debating career, sort of like the Peter Pans of the Kirwan. Amateurs are prominent because of their “unique” style. They’re usually quite enthusiastic and tend to throw in a joke at the beginning of their speech; this implies that entertainment will follow but that is rarely the case. They’re also quite messy; their speech is all over the place, but the giveaway of an amateur is his timing. Generally amateurs fall into two sub-categories; premature members and impotent members. The prematures start to build an argument that can be quite exciting but suddenly they finish and sit down leaving the audience unsatisfied. In contrast the impotents just go on and on and on their relatively limp argument never comes to a point, once again leaving the audience disappointed.

Avoid amateurs at all costs. They’re volatile, uncharted territory and there’s a good reason they’re single.

The Master-Debater

This ladies is the ultimate man, the Holy Grail of pulling opportunities. The master-debater is a less commonplace species but immediately recognisable. Their speech is well paced, initially familiarising the audience with the argument and slowly guiding them through the points all the time taking into consideration the opposition’s points. Gradually the speech builds velocity and climactically rises to the “crux” of the issue whilst shattering the “fundamentally flawed” opposition. These performances are regularly met with thunderous applause and if they’re really good the odd tearful eye.

Unfortunately these specimens are rare and master-debaters tend to be fond of their own voice and are often accused of all talk and no action.

Basically there’s something for everyone (unless you are frequently mistaken for the elephant man). So happy hunting/debating.

Sharon Dillon-Lyons

1^st Arts