THE RECOLLECTIONS OF THE CLERK OF THE HOUSE

There have been some wonderful moments in the course of the 152nd session of the Literary & Debating Society, firstly my appointment. But life as Clerk of that most noble of Houses - the Kirwan - is not all about pomp and ceremony, it is truly an office that is only becoming of a person with a humble disposition, because there is a distinct danger of the prestige going to one’s head.

In fact many trials and tribulations tested this year’s Clerk prior to the inaugural meeting of the society for this the 152nd session, which included locating glass hammers, skirting-board ladders, and the college backdrop which according to legend was misplaced at the All-Ireland Football Final. Despite these afflictions all was ready on the night of the first meeting of the Literary & Debating Society under the Auditorship of Mr. Feehily.

The meeting had much by way of entertainment to offer. Fergal Crehan, ex-auditor and hon. member, proposed that the house would clone human beings. This motion of course gave rise to a litany of puns, which at least had Mr. Crehan beside himself. Next to the block were the unsuspecting first years who had been duped by Lit & Deb committee members into speaking at the society’s main event for that evening - the Gibs Symposium. Five speakers summoned the courage to take to the podium and preceded to enlighten those present on sex, Michelle Smith, and sex. Hopes were at the time that this was not just a one night stand for these speakers and that they would grace the house again with their words, those fears however were quickly laid to rest, now that many of them have practically opened their own stand in the Kirwan on a Thursday evening, such is the range of opinions they have to offer.

Inspired possibly by the language of the inaugural meeting, John Meere proposed, at the second sitting of the house, ‘That the UN was merely a prostitute of the US’. Not wanting the impression to be formed that Lit & Deb is obsessed with the notion of sex, Mr. Eoin Ryan made a bowel move to restore the standards of the house by proposing that graffiti should once more adorn the walls of NUIG’s toilets, as a second private members motion for that evening. A few speakers gave examples of the wisdom inscribed on the walls, which ranged from Mariah Carey lyrics to “flush hard it’s a long way to the canteen.” The main event for that evening was a debate on the motion “that the Bill Clinton scandal is nothing more than sex, lies and videotape”. The Starr of that evening was undoubtedly an American cit-e-zen who felt misrepresented by his president’s penchant for dawg ugly women - will Mr. Clinton ever recover from such a blow to his manhood?

As usual conspiracy theories were rife; they centred mainly around the construction work or demolition work that is on-going about the campus. Much concern was voiced about the lack of consideration shown to students, with disruptions to lectures and study as a result of this work. One speaker noted how one by one the fire exits were been blocked off leading her to suspect that a sinister plot was being launched against the students.

The society’s social conscience was resurrected briefly in a debate concerning the preservation of innocence by Disney. Apparently Disney gave permission to Sida Info. (a French Aids awareness group) to use some of its characters in its promotion of condoms. However Disney were none to happy with the results, with captions over Cinderella and her Prince such as, ‘slip this on first, Prince’. This debate preceded to lead to the distortion of the very words “fairy stories” in the minds of those assembled at the Kirwan and so this motion resulted not in the preservation of innocence, as was intended, but to the perversion of the remaining innocence, in that most honourable of houses.

The committee of the 152nd session decided to treat the students of NUIG to a showpiece debate on the motion ‘That this house would not welcome women priests’. Ms. Dillon threw down the gauntlet to those in opposition to the motion and challenged them to convince the bare foot parishioners of Ireland, that carry a bale of hay strapped to their back, a sod in the right hand and a penny for the black babies in their left, of the legitimacy of their argument. Mr. Caoimhín Mac Unfraidh was much maligned for his sense of humour, when he suggested that it was time that we had a few busty blond females celebrating mass at the altar and masses of men celebrating in the pews. For myself I decided to avoid that particular booby trap and simply engage in a tit for tat battle with the proposition and leave Caoimhín to make a clean breast of things in his own inimitable way.

Late October saw a departure from Lit & Deb’s usual format, when the society hosted a literary evening in aid of the Leukaemia Trust Fund. As usual the evening began with private members’ time, that time set aside to allow the student populous of NUIG expound their views on current affairs, of a not so romantic nature. However it has been known for speakers to get a bit hot under the collar, not to mention passionate during these proceedings, it is even rumoured by some that they have seen certain students go as far as to shift, in that most honourable of houses - their opinion. In fact there was quite a lot of shifting in the seats that particular Thursday when a speaker during PMT, and though male there can be no doubt that he was indeed going through a rough period for the duration of his speech as we all were, proposed that, “This house would write a letter to RTE demanding that they abolish the Rose of Tralee.” Aisling Currid spoke of being touched to the core by this motion, so touched that she preceded to sing a few bars, having probably visited some earlier, of that most memorable of Oirish ditties, The Rose of Tralee.

On that high note the Literary evening began, Michael D. Higgins T.D. read some of his own work and delighted the house with a poem about a fictional Irish revivalists’ convention that passed the unusual motion, to wear tweed knickers and scratch for the revival to advance their cause, and put their past behind them so to speak. Patsy McGarry, Irish Times journalist. closed the evening by giving the audience an insight into the secret world of the Irish male, according to Joe O’Connor. The content of this novel surprisingly enough centred around the location of the largest self supporting Mickey in the world, which by strange coincidence also happens to be the site of the best ride in the world, well so the staff at Disney boast anyway. The evening was a great success and raised over six hundred pounds for its benefactors the Leukaemia Trust Fund.

Other highlights in the course of the year included Mary Kenny’s disclosures about Mo Mowlam in the “That Ireland is a post-feminist society” guest speaker debate, that certainly got the balls rolling that evening. Conor Nelson having a bone to pick with Campbell’s catering about a fish, probably a bit of a cod knowing him. Joe Higgins T.D., speaking in the guest speaker debate concerning Europe, having the audacity to up stage the Clerk of the House and her glass and spoon, with his stop-watch, a crime which has seen others spending the rest of their lives doing time.

One of the most memorable meetings in the Literary & Debating calendar of this year transpired to be the staff versus students debate – “That romantic Ireland is dead and gone”. There were a multitude of revelations including one by Fr. Hogan that, in his own words, ‘Peig faked it’, which was refuted by a renowned conspiracy theorist Tim O’Connor as ‘church propaganda’.

In all the students came up trumps with having such an active Literary & Debating Society for this year. And may it long continue to he such.

Aoife Shevlin (2^nd Commerce)

Clerk of the House