Dave Finn’s Tour of the Archives:
A Collection of some of the Tales of the recent Lit
‘n’ Deb
There are some of us who for some unknown reason have devoted the greater part of time at Lit ‘n’ Deb to finding out what truly happens at the events that involve the Lit ‘n’ Deb or its members. There are a collection of tales which could undermine the authority of the society and more importantly could land me in deep trouble. However I feel it is the right of the society to know what happened. I know what happened because I was there.
I was there when it was decided that all
non-smokers would be beheaded and that their skulls be used as ashtrays. I was
there when it was decided that there would be pigs on the left, wolves on the
right and pigs in the middle. I was there when a well known member of the
society woke up, rolled a cigarette and was given a round of applause, all on a
bus where previously, a rather porcine individual from
A couple of years ago, one of the committee members was an attractive young man who found himself very popular with the ladies. Unfortunately for the ladies, this particular individual was a little slow on the uptake. This was especially galling for one lady in particular. She was a first year who suffered all the traits and problems of being young and being away from Mammy for the first time. She was unbearably bright and bubbly and a complete flirt with everyone else apart from this one guy. After every meeting she would sit down at the table he was at and fawn all over him without ever overdoing it. Indeed compared to her attentions to other men she was extremely understated. However, what her gesture tried to keep hidden, her gaze betrayed. It was lust of a sort, in the sense that she did want to rip his clothes off but, there was also an element of “I’d love to take him home and feed him soup” to it all. Or at least that is what the four or five of us who were observing this felt. We all liked her and the females of our group all wanted to be the lads’ mammy. So, while disapproving vehemently of any woman soiling their boy, they wanted to get it on with yer man. He never noticed what was going on. For six months solid, this poor kid tried everything short of jumping on him to get him to notice and for six months solid he missed it. Things came to a head one night when she brought along a friend who was determined to succeed where the first year had failed. A battle of wills was engaged as the two lassies fought it out. There was no doubting who the public supported. “Don’t let that new wan take our G away from H,” were the instructions passed onto me. There was no danger. He was too drunk to know where his keys were never mind try to cop off with a kid. After that H lost heart and drifted off from the society. I’ve no idea where she is know. As for himself, well he’s going to kill me.
Being a cad is something I’m good at
though. The year before the above incident happened, a committee member and
myself made a bet that would cost him dear. That year the committee was
primarily a male one. There were ladies on the committee (admittedly, only one
of the ladies elected at the AGM survived to the following years AGM), but, apart
from treasurer, the public’s perception of us was an all boys club. There was a
first year girl (isn’t there always?) who decided that she wanted to get to
know the committee better. To be fair to her though, it was probably not her
intention to get to know us the way that we thought she wanted to know us.
However, there was no denying that she spent a large amount of time on the
first night talking to me. The fact that she is a spectacularly good looking
woman made not jumping to the wrong conclusions difficult,
However, nothing came of it. The following week she spent most of the night
talking to my mate who got as far as I did. The third week she spent talking to
another member of the committee who didn’t want to know and made it quite clear
to me that he didn’t want to know. On hearing, that my mate and I concocted a
wager so mean and low, it still embarrasses to think about it. Being drunk and
bollixes, we decided that whoever shifted her first, between then and Easter,
would get £10 off the other. It seemed a reasonable sort of suggestion at the
time but, as time passed nothing seemed to be happening. Both of us got into
relationships and the bet seemed to be forgotten. As for the girl, I got to
know her, realise that her motives were entirely benign as all she wanted to do
was to get to know people, and decided that she was, as well as good looking, a
very nice person. Easter came and went as did the Summer
and we came to the new session. I was now an outsider looking in and as such
was spared the problems of first year groupies. My mate, however, was keen to
renew old acquaintances. So on the first night, he got rat-arsed and started to
chat up our friend from the previous year. My amusement, at first high due to
my knowledge of her, slowly abated as I realised that he was walking her home.
Not bad considering she lived in
These couple of cautionary tales should serve notice that I have a welter of stories that could incriminate and destroy. The reason I do not tell them all is simple: I’m in too many.
Dave
Finn