The Lit & Deb’s Eyre Square Public Meeting

The last meeting of the Society was held on Sunday 30^th at 3.00am outside the Skeff. It was a public meeting entitled: “Drink in Ireland – a practical look”, and not many of those present knew they were there.

The acting Auditor being unable to find the chain of office, put on the chain of the Recording Secretary’s motorbike. The minutes of the last meeting were read, and Private Members’ Time was declared open.

The first motion of the night took place before closing time, and so did many more. Micky Pugh of 4^th Ag proposed “that a bottle be thrown through the window of the nearest bar so as to aid the drink problem in Ireland”. This was declared out of order for want of a flinger. Mr. Pugh then proposed that the House write to Galway Bottle Washers Inc. and ask that one of the washers be given time off to fling a bottle through the bar window to help with the Irish drink problem. This was seconded by Mr. Al Caholic of no fixed faculty, and opposed by Mr. Red Undant on the grounds that union rules don’t permit bottle washers to raise the arm above the shoulder. The motion was defeated.

The next motion was “that the House feels that the statue of Pádraig Ó Conaire should be asked to cross its legs, or failing that, to move nearer to the fir agus mná”, proposed by Mr. M’asal Beag Dubh. Seconding the motion, Mr. Eyre Square said that Mrs. Ó Conaire should be asked to go to Mr. Ó Conaire’s side. Con the motion, Mrs. Contracepta O’Halloran said that the idea was stone mad. The motion was passed.

In a point of information between pints of Guinness, Mr. Paddy Jameson (6^th Arts) asked the Auditor if a person from Poland is a Pole, then why was it that a person from Holland isn’t a Hole. The Auditor refused points of order in favour of pints of Guinness.

The final motion of Private Members’ Time was “that the Auditor be asked to cease in her protest for women’s lib, and to stop chaining herself to the railings outside the Skeff”, proposed by Mr. Con Stitution and seconded by Mr. Botty Nail. The motion fell thru’ lack of interest – all were too busy listening to the Auditor’s strangled rendering of “Take these chains from my heart and set me free”.

On to the meeting then, and the first speaker was Miss Bacardi-Anne Coke. She said that all of the empirical data and other evidence would seem to suggest that there is in fact drink in Ireland. She went on to thank the Society for what was proving a most enjoyable practical look at it. While it is hard to see the situation through the Irish mist, it was quite obvious that drink in Ireland is on the rocks. With that she left the meeting, carrying her flagon and singing “Show me the way to go home”.

The next speaker was Mr. P. O’Neer, who said that there is rank unemployment in Ireland because work is the curse of the drinking man. He also said that he could not condone the actions of the Provisional IRA, and that looking at the problem in black and white was not the answer. His speech was ahead above the rest, and floored anyone who hadn’t already collapsed.

Ms. Ginane Tonic proposed a deep philosophical thesis on the question of drink in Ireland. The more you drink, the drunker you get, and the drunker you get, the sicker you get, and the sicker you get, the more you vomit, and the more you vomit, the less you have inside you, and the less you have inside you, the more sober you get. “Thus”, she concluded, “there’s no harm in a good night’s drinking”. The good members of the audience belched their approval.

The final speaker, N. Toxicated, said that he wasn’t drunk, and that he didn’t care if rev’s wasn’t on, he was going anyways, and that even if the last bus was gone, “sure there’s always a bus after the last bus”. He said that people were making a Bloody Mary out of the debate, and finished by asking who was going to Padraig’s Place.

A lively brawl ensued, and drinks were on the acting Auditor. In fact she was soaked. Mr. Con Formist agreed with everybody, and took up a piece of chalk and proceeded to draw conclusions all over the road. Discussion could have gone on all night, but it was summed up prematurely by the local sergeant, who suggested adjourning to the station.

Eva M. Tobin

Wrecked Sec ‘77/78